"Losing Consciousness"

"A patient passed out in my lab in the office the other day. This happens frequently. A reflex can be triggered in most people in the right circumstances called the vaso-vagal reflex. Pain and fear are common triggers, as are emotional stimuli, and getting blood tests taken in the ..."

Woman's Liberation

The impact of the birth control pill on our society after its release and widespread adoption in the middle of the last century was phenomenal. It played no small part in the overdue so-called "liberation" of women. The focus of women's talent and energy exclusively on child-bearing and home-making shifted and expanded until the broad spectrum of her full creative and intellectual potential now impacts nearly every area of human endeavor.

However, it isn't the birth control pill, as powerful a tool as it is, that is responsible for giving the world the gift of woman's full potential. It was something else. Something else had to come first. Something else that had to come before the birth control pill came. Something that has to exist for the birth control pill to have the dramatic social influence that it does. I learned about this when I visited the isolated indigenous people of the jungles of the Orinoco River Delta in Venezuela.

These people are cut off from the outside world. They live and survive off the land, subsistence style, as humans have for as long as there have been humans. There is no health care, as we know it. No doctors, medicines, hospitals, surgery, vaccines, antibiotics, dentists, no nothing. Imagine every time in your life you needed medical or dental treatment for anything and then imagine what it would be like if you had not received the care you did. Would you have suffered? Would you have survived?

The average age of this population is very young. It is rare for an adult to live to be forty. More than half of the population is what we would consider children, teenagers and younger. Infant mortality is very high. Some estimate as high as 40%, but no one knows for sure really. These people are not visited from the outside much and no one knows their language. But they do not give their babies names until they reach 6 months of age. They do not think that they have "souls" until then. No doubt, this belief might be related to the frequent number of infants that die before reaching this age. And those that do would be the more robust and therefore are the one's more likely to survive.

The women begin having babies at the earliest age that they can, and continue having them one right after the other until they cannot have them anymore, or they die. I saw very few that had reached menopause. And every family had many, many children, if they were fortunate.

These poor women spent their entire lives being pregnant, nursing, caring for children, then dying. There was no choice, no option, no alternative. The men were free to take care of the affairs of their world. The politics, the business, all enterprises and affairs beyond the children and the family the men took care of. It seems, practically speaking, simply because they could. The imperative was a division of labor dictated by nature for the sake of survival.

What if we gave these people birth control pills? Gave these women the same power and control over their bodies and reproductive lives as our women were given back in the 1960's? What would happen? Within one generation, these people would become extinct. Why? Because they have to have babies faster than the babies are dying. And they have no control over the forces that would wipe them out. Their only means of survival is to out-produce the destructive forces aligned against them.

So back to what it is that makes the birth control pill the influential tool that it is. What is it in our culture that lets the birth control pill unlock our women's potential for the benefit of our society and not for its destruction? We have a reasonable expectation that when we birth a child, we will see that child reach adulthood. It is that simple. It is that profound. I had to go to the remote jungles of the Orinoco River Delta to see how good I have it.

When it is all said and done, and the big "playback" button in the sky shows us the big picture, all of human history and God's plan and how everything fits together and makes sense, when that happens, I think when it all shifts out, we will find that one of the greatest gifts God gave to human beings during our time on earth, he gave to us, in this time, in this place. And that is that we have a reasonable expectation that when we birth a child, we will see that child reach adulthood. This is huge.

And so, in my opinion, woman's liberation owes its existence to the fact that when we birth a child, we have a reasonable expectation that that child will reach adulthood. This is truly a great gift. And as parents, we are truly grateful.

The Dying Baby

The limp infant child lay across her lap. His vacant stare and sunken dry eyes revealed that she was losing him. His panting breaths were agonizing as he gave every ounce of life he had left to survive a minute longer. His strength and vigor was nearly gone as weakness visibly weighed on him, pulling him down into a death of stillness and sorrow.

I looked from him to her, the mother of this dying baby. Oh my heart is pierced! I feel nothing but the sharp pang of fear and pain at the direness of the situation and the helplessness and hopelessness. I am a parent in that brief moment and I feel nothing but what it is like to have my dear child torn away from my arms forever and I feel like I can't bear it.

But I look into her eyes and I could never have been prepared for what I saw. Where I expected a look of expectation and pleading, imploring me to try my best to help however I can, to do what ever I can to save her very ill baby, I saw instead a look of despair more devastating, more penetrating, more consuming than any I could have imagined. And I was beset.

This mother never possessed anything close to an expectation that I could or would make any difference. To her it was of no consequence anything that I said or did that day. As a doctor, of coarse, I did everything that I knew how to do with the equipment and supplies that I had with me to save the life of her baby. We were in the most remote jungles of the Orinoco River Delta in Venezuela. The indigenous people we were seeing had never before been treated by medical doctors, and probably have not been since.

My treatment most likely did not help this little child. And though I am sad to this day about the likely prospect that he died after I left, my greatest grief derives from not being able to impart any comfort to his mother through the act of my kindness. The offering of help motivated by sincere compassion, even if it proves ineffective in the end, usually engenders hope when people face despair, even overwhelming despair.

But not on that day. Not with that mother. Not in that village. And I don't know why. And it bothers me.

I came back home. I continued with my regular routine and busy medical practice. Not a single day has gone by since my encounter with the sick baby and his mother in the jungles of the Orinoco River Delta, when every patient I treat does not come to me with an expectation that I will do what I can to help them.

But I will never forget the day when I looked into the eyes of a young woman who possessed a kind of despair that we know nothing of around here. A rare kind of despair that I don't think any human being should have to bear.

And it haunts me.

Creative Problem Solving

I'm working on a project. I read a book that gave me great ideas and I have been trying to relate them to how I think about my past and how it effects my habits and the choices I make. Sounds vague?

Anyway, as I'm struggling with these new concepts I'm finding them difficult, complex, deep and a bit beyond my grasp. The things I am reaching for, the conclusions I want to make, the insights and understandings are just out of focus, floating out there in the fog, and I am groping, waiting for clarity, waiting for them to come into view. There is an incubation going on in my unconscious that is part of the process and I am waiting for access, for maturation of the thought.

I want to write, but I am not ready for end product productive writing around this. And I've never been one to free-associate write either. For me the creative free-associating tends to go on in the energetic and interactive subconscious/conscious interface environment as time passes.

The writing then is more like a higher brain function; a conscious, logical, expressive, puzzle thing that ends up being a different kind of creative problem to solve. It's like my brain has divided problems into insight problems and expressive problems and has found different ways that it prefers to solve each kind.

So I'm still working on the insight type of problem. Then when that gets worked out, I can work on the expressive type of problem.

Changing the World

I have done a little looking around at other blogs. There are some really smart people out there writing some really deep stuff. It's pretty amazing. I'm glad I dived in before looking around; I might have been too intimidated to even start. My last post linked a blog with a nifty post and string of comments that I thought was cool. And thinking along these lines, along with some of what I have been writing lately, brought me to a realization.

I have always desired my life mission to be aligned with the mission of the church, which I have always seen to be derived from God's ultimate mission which is to change the world. The great commission is that we go and make disciples of all nations. It is a great mission, a noble mission, to change the world.

But as I'm reading about the politics of fundamentalism and evangelicals and fundamental evangelicals and right-wing fundamental evangelicals and theocrats and anti-theocrats and secular fundamentalists and moderates and conservatives and centrists and liberals and so on and so on... I realize that all these years when I have been thinking and talking about changing the world, it has not been in the grand global, political, "public sphere" arena of human experience and activity. I want to change the world one person at a time by personally introducing each individual to the person of Jesus Christ, allowing them to be reconciled to their creator, thereby becoming transformed into a new creation.

I don't want to change the world by changing governments. That will never work anyway. I want to see the world changed by God as he reconciles individuals to himself through Jesus Christ and builds a new kingdom from scratch. And I can be part of that by helping to introduce people to Jesus Christ, the person of Christ. Not the idea of Christ, not the teaching of Christ, not the dogma of Christ, not the values of Christ, the living breathing real live Jesus Christ.

You know, maybe our blogs should write more about who he is and less about "the precepts of Christianity." It is pretty hard to sell a precept, but when you meet him, it can be life changing.

Check Out This Pig

Here is a picture.

Sorry, no time for a post right now.

Read the post and comments at this link. "The Myth Of American Theocracy" by Jay Reding, a fellow who used to debate Lyz and who's blog is linked to her site "Sassy Pants."

I have thoughts about it. I'll post latter.

Invisible Christians

Kimberly asked me to keep everybody posted on the progress of the Vision Team I am on and I will weigh-in with an update. We had our first weekend retreat and formed small groups that will be meeting weekly for the next two months before the next weekend retreat to study the book The Emotionally Healthy Church by Peter Scazzero. My group will be meeting on Saturday mornings and it looks like it will be very interesting, I'll keep you posted.

One idea that came up on the retreat for discussion that triggered considerable thought on my part I'd like to throw out. Many times in scripture the apostle Paul told his readers to grow and mature as Christians by imitating HIM. He set himself up as a model to follow. This was very practical. He was flesh and blood, not hypothetical. It is the essence of the discipleship paradigm. Follow me, do as I do.

Of coarse this helps the person being followed as much as the one doing the following. It gives them a big responsibility, inspires them to do better, to strive more, since others are following them. It is a good model for stimulating growth in everyone at every level and stage of maturity.

But in modern churches there is a tendency of thinking that the apostle Paul was god-like in his spirituality and not like the rest of us and therefore deserving of being imitated for that reason and so the principle of imitation as Paul practiced it is not widely adopted. You just don't see too many people going around in churches telling other members, "I exhort you, be imitators of me."

But on our retreat we talked about this principle, about how this is involved in spiritual reproduction. I quote: "Each invites others to imitate him or her as he or she imitates Christ (and shows them how he/she does it)." The discussion in the group around this was interesting and revealing. The question - Why don't we invite others to imitate us? - has many answers and layers and complexities, but I want to comment on just one.

We are afraid of being accused of thinking that we are better than anybody else.

Heads nod all around. There is silence. There is fear. I think to myself, Christians are invisible.

This is the tolerance issue. The worse thing you can accuse a Christian of in our naturalistic worldview dominated culture is being intolerant. The instant the accusation of intolerance is made, the Christian is shut-up, boxed-up, locked-up, shouted-down, laughed-at, passed-over, pushed-aside, disregarded, sneered-at, despised, hated, attacked, marginalized and ignored.

So to avoid this, the Christian must be invisible "out there", always fearful of being found out. They must be satisfied with being the Christian within the safe confines of the church walls, being cultural Christians.

So lets pick this apart a little bit. If I were to say that you should imitate me, then I would be holding my behavior up as exemplary of the right way for you to behave. Do I have a right to tell you how you should behave? Only under one circumstance would I have that right. If I knew the right way for you to behave. And if I knew that, not only would I have the right to tell you, I would be morally obligated to tell you.

So lets go back. Why don't we invite others to imitate us? Because we are afraid of being accused of thinking we are better than anybody else. But aren't we? I mean, aren't we right? Think about it. Do we, as Christians believe in one of the many equally valid truths that are available for people to believe in? And as such our truth has validity for us, but may not have validity for someone else that doesn't believe it because they believe in a different kind of truth that has validity for them? If that is the case, then things should stay as they are and Christians should remain invisible.

But what if there is only one truth. And all of the other competing worldviews that conflict with it, that contradict it, are wrong. Let me say this again - wrong. Only one answer can be right, ALL of the other answers are WRONG. False, make-believe, not-true, lies, mis-leading, fabrication, wishful-thinking, hocus-pocus.

If that is true, then who is right? Are we right? Are they right? Can anyone know what right is? Many people in our modern times would have us think that we can never know truth, that it will always only be relative. I say no. No way. No way, no way, no way. That is just intellectual cop-out. And the irony is that it would seem to be the opposite, that to believe in only one truth requires putting reason on hold. But you actually have to narcotize reason to be able accept relativistic truth as reality.

The people that watched Lazarus walk out of his grave after being dead four days were convinced that there was one truth. The people that spent time with Jesus after he walked out of his grave after being dead three days were convinced that there was one truth. They had all witnessed his brutal public torture and execution. It was of no consequence. He lived again, walked among them, teaching them, instructing them.

So what does this mean? Let me ask this. What is boldness? Where does boldness come from? Can boldness derive from a certainty in the rightness of one's position? If you knew you were right, would you be bold? Would the degree of your certainty in your rightness be directly proportional to the amount of your boldness?

Before Jesus left he promised to send his Spirit. The arrival of the promised Spirit sparked an explosive expansion of the Christian church that continues today and will continue until Jesus returns to Earth as he also promised. The Spirit's work has always been characterized by boldness. Paul wrote to Timothy, "We were not given a Spirit of timidity, but of boldnes..."

The invisible Christians are timid. They are like the disciples cowering in the boat during the storm while Jesus was sleeping. They were afraid for their lives. When Jesus awoke he asked them, "Why are you afraid?" He then spoke a word and the storm was calmed. If they had realized that the creator of the universe was with them on the boat, would they have been so afraid? Or would they have been full of swagger and boldness?

The Christians of the Acts church were not invisible. They were bold. They were seen, they were heard. They were tortured, they were killed. And thousands clamored to join them at a time.

I would like to be like them. To be part of something that big, that important, that wonderful. To be that right. I want to be someone that can boldly say, "I exhort you, be imitators of me." I want all of us to be like that.

Tree Takedown Inertia

This past weekend an ancient tree was knocked over by the storm that blasted through our area. As luck would have it the gigantic tree fell in the worst possible direction, crashing square on into the owners 80 year old landmark Victorian style brick garage totally demolishing it. Neighbors in the area have pitched in to help clean up the mess, but even so, it is going to take a while to remove all of the debris. I don't know the guy personally who owns the place, but I was told that he had plans to remove the old tree because it had started to show signs of weakening. Unfortunately, he didn't get to it soon enough.

This made me think of my own tree problem. Years ago a bolt of lightening struck a tree next to the driveway on our property. I was in the house at the time and did not actually see the lightning hit, but I certainly did feel it and hear it. It was a loud explosive cracking sound that left no doubt about how far away it had crashed down. The next day I could trace a strip of bark about 2-3 inches wide that was missing from the top of the tree down one branch along one side of the trunk all the way down into the ground. It looked like the bark had been peeled off and was just gone. Otherwise, nothing seemed amiss. The tree seemed fine. And except for that one branch, which died, and for the side where the bark was striped away, which never grew back, the tree did just fine. It is alive and growing.

Except that now after many years, the side of the trunk with the 2-inch wide strip of dead bark has turned into one-half of the whole trunk being dead. And it is hollow and has holes in it and provides housing to woodpeckers, squirrels, Pooh Bear's rabbit friend and who knows what else; I'm afraid to look. The side that is alive is doing very well, thank you very much. The tree has grown up and is much taller than the power pole it stands next to. And I guess I wouldn't worry as much about the poor beleaguered tree, such a tough life it has had and all, except that the dead side lately has started to develop ever widening cracks and splits which tell me it is not doing its share of the work in holding up the tree. And as I look the situation over, the living part that seems to be doing the entire holding up work, it looks like leverage is working against it. In other words, no matter how heroic the surviving half tree is, it looks like physics is going to win in the end. Our tree friend was dealt a mortal blow on that fateful day; we just didn't know it then.

Which brings me back to the guy who lost his garage from the falling tree. I can understand his situation. I'm in his shoes so to speak. I'm experiencing "tree takedown inertia". There is a tree. It's got to come down. I know it has got to come down. Between now and the time that I actually get it down it is still standing. While it is still standing it can fall. If it falls, it can cause problems. He lost a garage. What could be my worst-case scenario?

The tree falls over, takes down the power line, I'm without power for who knows how long. I have no idea how long it takes the power company to repair a wire when it gets torn down. If it takes a long time the least of our problems might be that the stuff in the freezer melts. Not to mention that they probably charge a lot to repair a broken power line. Especially if you want them to do it in a hurry. I wonder if they would raise the rates? Hmmm.

The downed tree would also block the driveway. We would be stuck with no way to get out. We would have to walk out and get rides from people until things got fixed. Of coarse with power lines down on the ground I'm not sure we should go outside anyway. Just stay trapped inside until we get rescued. May take a while. Better make sure we have supplies stocked up.

Also, the tree would take out the pasture fence when it comes down. That would let out the animals. That would be horses, llamas, donkeys, and sheep, all just waiting for that tree to come down so that they can have their chance at freedom. They know that the grass is greener on the other side. Everybody knows that. If they don't get electrocuted when they make their break for it we are going to have to go after them before they get onto the highway and get hit by a car. Then of coarse we have to avoid being electrocuted by the downed power lines too.

I'm beginning to think that loosing a garage might just be easier. Maybe I should just get rid of the tree before it falls down. Tree takedown inertia. There are all kinds of procrastination.

Caff-"fiend"

Can anything good be said about caffeine? I mean, when is it ever not doing something to manipulate the imbiber's brain chemistry in such a way as to change the way one feels? A little pick me up, a little energy boost, a little kick-in-the-pants? And even when the partaker is not aware of its effects, caffeine is subtly working its molecules into the nooks and crannies of the neurons anyway, increasing alertness, and increasing reaction time, improving memory and recall. Making people become dependant on it to function at an expected level, developing the dreaded caffeine habit. And being dependant on things to function can't be good. And having bad habits definately isn't good.

So can anything good be said about caffeine? The soft drink makers put caffeine in their products to increase sales, a gross exploitation of millions that are dependant on the drug. (Yes, let's call it what it is. It is a drug.) This should be a crime. Soft drinks do not need caffeine and should not have caffeine. Millions of children are hooked unwittingly every year. They don't know the danger. This must stop.

Coffee and tea drinkers are another matter however since these beverages contain caffeine naturally. But good news for aficionados of these fine consumables, modern techniques for extraction of the offending xanthene drug caffeine leave the coffee beans and tea leaves unharmed and perfectly suitable for use as decaffeinated beverages. They can saturate themselves with these infusions to their hearts content and not poison their systems with the undesirable caffeine.

And I must say something for those poor souls that suffer from migraine headaches. They are carefully instructed by their physicians in the dangers of caffeine, how caffeine can and does trigger the severe migrainous headaches, thus thwarting efforts at treating and controlling the headaches. But what do they face? It is amazing, but true. Excedrin MIGRAIN, the premiere over the counter product sold to migrainers for the treatment of migraine headaches, contains caffeine as the active ingredient. There should be a law.

I must confess. I know of what I speak. I have battled a compelling urge to ingest caffeine most of my life. I am not what you would call a "morning person." So a cup of good morning cheer has always been a mighty temptation to me. But in recent years my compulsion has descended to new depths. Not really being interested in the Java or the Cola or the tea or anything else that might happen to be hitchhiking along with what I really want, in recent years I have gone right to the source and started my day with pure caffeine. A No-Doze tablet foots the bill. I tell myself there is a certain amount of sincerity involved in it. I want the caffeine, so I get the caffeine. Pure, simple, straight up.

So, what, am I bad? Taking caffeine pills in the morning to wake up? Is this wrong? Would my dose in a mug be better? There are different opinions, I think. Would it be better to go on the caffeine-free wagon again like I have so many times before? Only to fall off again because the advantages of being caffeine-free just don't ever seem to outweigh the advantages of using caffeine? Can anything good be said about caffeine? Maybe. Should I try? I don't know, it's easier to complain about it.

Petting Zoo Lady

For six years there has been a "Scarecrow Festival" each fall in our small town. Part of that weekend event has been a petting zoo for the children. My lovely wife has come to be known as the "Petting Zoo Lady." Every year for six years she has been there providing the ever popular hands-on attraction for young people of all ages and this year was no exception. They enjoyed exceptional weather this year and another great turnout. Cindy always gets lots of help from all of her friends and even though everyone is exhausted at the end of the day, seeing the joy on the faces of the youngsters and hearing their squeals of delight as they handle and pet the animals, brings her back again year after year. A few snapshots to share the day with you.

More Faith

The phony life is a life of trust in God, of faith. An intimate relationship with God, a reality, not make-believe. (But it is make-believe, that is why it is phony.) To the extent that I pretend I have faith in God, when I do not, that is phony.

The real me is cut off, alone, isolated, hopeless, undeserving, frail and simply put, just bad. I won't admit the reality that I am bad, it is too shameful. But living behind the phoniness is too desperate. No, that's not it. It's wrong. Wrong in the sense that it is a dead-end. It leads nowhere, no solution, no resolution. The despair I feel living in this kind of phoniness is that nothing will ever change. This is not one of those "fake it until you make it" things. This is a trap.

I suppose if I was resigned to my fate, I would not feel so restless, so uncomfortable. Something in my heart longs for integrity. It is ironic, and tragic, this longing is not enough to lead me to the authenticity and congruity I desire.

What do I want? I want God to be real. I want more faith.

Lord I believe, help my unbelief.

Forgetting

I've wanted to give another shot at trying to express a difficulty I perceive which manifests as procrastination. As I'm reflecting I realize that procrastination is not a simple thing. It can be the result of different kinds of dynamics at work, maybe not even all related.

I have explained how I am aware that I struggle to keep track of things. It is an effort to remember what it is I want to remember. Not just to remember the things I want to do, like my "To Do" list kind of things, but also the kind of things in general that I just think about. If I am not paying attention to what it is that I am paying attention to, I often loose tract of it and forget it. This happens even with the things that I am most interested in and that matter most to me.

What I have come to understand is that these things that I am thinking about that I want to keep tract of in my thinking will tend to come in and out of my acute conscious awareness in an apparently random haphazard fashion. Thoughts pop in, then pop out and I forget again. The more busy and hectic I tend to be the more in and out things seem to come and go. Ultimately I seem to always remember everything I want to, eventually. Just only when it happens to pop in, not when I need it to or when I want it to.

So here is the problem that leads to procrastination. Let me give a hypothetical. I have a day off. A chance to get a few things done. There are a lot of things popping in and out of my thinking. But I know that I can't remember everything that is there. Not on demand. As time passes though, then the things that I need to remember will surface over time. However, if I get involved in something that consumes my energy, time, attention and focus, then my chances of getting in touch with the things I want to think about goes way down. In fact, the more productive I become, the more involved in actually getting things done, the more I feel disoriented, detached, disconnected and anxious. I loose context, balance, the ground doesn't seem to be there. I become more and more likely to overlook or forget something important. I have to break off and get back in touch with what is going on in my head to get reoriented, reorganized, get my bearings.

So I experience a lot of resistance to getting things done because doing things distracts me from keeping tract of my scattered and disorganized thoughts. And loosing tract of my thoughts leads to negative consequences from forgetting important things and to anxiety from feelings of being lost and disoriented.

Me Two

I live two lives.
One is phony,
one is real.
One is exciting and uplifting,
the other is demeaning and shameful.
One is talk and fine words, but is hollow, empty, shallow, lacking power or force.
The other is secret and hidden and enslaves me with powerful chains I cannot break.
One is ephemeral, unreal, unreachable, wishful thinking, pie-in-the-sky, leaving me filled with desire, but with no hope.
The other is very real, familiar, safe, the "real me" in my true exposed ugliness, but it leaves me filled with loneliness and fear.
The fear of one is excitement.
The fear of the other is dread.
Mired in muck with no hope of anything changing, life is just putting in time, making due, trying to survive with the least amount of damage possible, lost in the "darkness of futility." All the hope and desire of the "other" life, the pretending and endless talk, it gnaws and aches, it is painful. I am weary of it.
One or the other, hot or cold.
Authenticity.
I am sick of this wasteland in the middle.
Where is the "light of victory?"
Lead me out.

Something's Bugging Me

I was invited to participate in a group at our church that will spend the next five years looking at the church's vision. The greater district has developed and piloted a process that they are now taking out to local churches like ours that want to focus on their vision. This is a program designed for healthy, mature congregations, that are seeking the growth that comes from knowing their true purpose, and then living it out effectively in their communities.

It looks like the 25 or so church leaders invited to make up our "Vision Team" represent a good cross section of nearly all the significant demographics of our church. The pastor of a nearby church who has been trained in this process will be the facilitator for us. This apparently is a "moonlighting" activity for him. We had an hour and a half orientation meeting this past Thursday, the first with everyone together, and got a good idea of what to expect.

The first two years will be involved in planning and the next three in implementing for a five-year cycle that can then repeat itself. In general I think this is a very good approach. Most ministry in churches is done without coordinated clear understanding of the mission/vision/purpose. I am excited at the prospect of what came be achieved in three years if it is activity focused by two years of seeking clear direction from agreement on vision and direction.

The process will involved individual work, small group work and delegated specialized committee work. And everything orbits around quarterly retreats that are thematic, designed to take the group through progressive steps that layer on foundations established in previous retreats and corresponding to the ongoing work as it unfolds. Like I said, it has been piloted, and seems to me to be well thought out. It looks like the right way to do things. I will throw my hat into the ring. It is a process, not the end. The result is what matters. The value is that it is a process that I think can help our church reach the result it wants. And that is the value it holds.

I do have one thing though I would like to get off of my chest. It's just me, and I will work it out as this goes on. But I did have some juice around this. So, for what it is worth. I thought that by the way this was presented, that it didn't seem very spiritual. Now, I know that I'm usually the one that is pushing for us in the church to be more professional, more technical and more artistic. I don't think that church should compromise quality in any secular areas due to being focused exclusively on spirituality, as if excellence and quality are values that are mutually exclusive from the sacred and spiritual. No, wholeness and truth demand balance, quality on both sides, we own it all. So here we are, being presented with this excellent, quality, professional program for vision/process, five-year plan, etc. etc. It was wonderful; I could have been sitting in a corporate boardroom hearing about the next great strategic plan. It was great. So what was the problem?

They were talking about church, and reading bible verses, it was all very obvious that we were in church and this was all about church. But I was uneasy. Why was I getting bugged? Then I realized. What I was hearing about was about church "culture". OK, I don't have anything against church culture. I feel safe and comfortable within it just as much as the next Christian. But you know what? A lot of the world out there doesn't like church culture. And you know what else? I don't like defending it to them. And I certainly don't like the idea of exporting it. I will vigorously oppose any idea that what we are about is exporting our quaint comfortable church culture. Again I say there is nothing wrong with our church culture. It's just that it isn't the big IT, OK? Let's not get that confused. Sometimes I think some of us do.

There were a couple times when this really hit me. Once was when the leader read the description of the first church given in the early chapters of Acts. The numbers added to their group increased daily. They were growing rapidly. Their church was attractive, popular; the focus of considerable attention. Our group leader equated this growth with the social qualities of this early church, fellowship, sharing, daily praise and worship, gathering together and then remarked, "Who wouldn't want to be a member of a church like this?"

I thought, "Wait a minute, something is missing here, he is looking at the early church through his rose-colored church-culture glasses." I'm thinking a better question to ask is why would anyone want to join a church like this? Ananias and Sapphira showed us that if you lied in this first century church you could be struck down dead on the spot. What would our church membership look like if it had that kind of accountability? Another member of this church, Stephen, didn't hold back anything. He told the whole truth when he was brought before the leaders of Israel for questioning, then he was executed for it. So let's get this straight, people in this church who stretch the truth are struck down dead. Pretty harsh. And people who are brutally honest are killed for it. Cold. Seems like you're damned if you do and damned if you don't in this church.

So what was the real reason people flocked to join up by the thousands? See my post at dr. david - "My Essay" September 1, 2001 where I go into it more. But basically it boiled down to the fact of death. The people of that time were convinced that the members of this new church had power over death. They had seen it with their own eyes. People that were dead were now walking around, living, alive, walking and talking. Literally. And these people were now giving this power away; offering eternal life to any who would come.

So I ask you, what are we offering, membership in a cool social club? Or the power to walk away from the grave? It's a big question. It maybe is the only question.

The second thing that hit me was when the leader stated, "All churches inevitably experience conflict." He then had us break out into smaller groups to answer three questions: Why do churches experience conflict? What is the downside of conflict in churches? What might be beneficial from conflict in churches? The discussion and conclusions were telling. To summarize: Churches experience conflict because people are sinful, because they come from different backgrounds (and other social reasons). The downside is that people might leave the church and walls might go up, relationships would be hurt. The benefits would be that conflict could bring growth.

These responses are fine for any social/political group of people anywhere. No problem with that, as far as it goes. But like I said at the beginning, what about the spiritual? What makes us any different than any other human organization? Are we any different? That early church was. They brought dead people back to life. Pretty different. So what am I thinking? A spiritual church that comes under conflict is operating in a different way. Ben Patterson, pastor and author said something I will always remember. When we chose to place our faith and trust in Jesus Christ "...we chose sides." There is spiritual battle going on, a great unseen war, enormous, epic in scope. And we play a part. There is no neutral, no sidelines, no spiritual "Switzerland." A church in conflict is a church locked in a spiritual battle.

Why do churches experience conflict? You could say it is inevitable. Churches are at war spiritually. You would expect that as the church becomes more effective, the spiritual opposition would become more intense. What would be the downside of this kind of spiritual conflict? The worst consequence would be to not see it for what it is. To attribute all conflict to natural sources only. Then attempt to deal with problems only at the human level. This would limit the effectiveness of the church to only what any other simple human organization could accomplish. The church would effectively relinquish its power. This, I think, is what most modern cultural churches have done. So much for bringing dead people back to life.

What would be the benefit of spiritual conflict? It would necessitate an authentic, continuous, dependent relationship on God. It would require an agenda, a mission, a vision, a purpose that was not ours, but His. It would propel us into service for Him, with Him, in a great plan laid out by Him from before time. They said conflict brings growth? I say, spiritual conflict drives us to God, and then, we can become who we were always meant to be.

So I have high hopes, and I dream big. I think the process they have prepared for our church is probably a good one. I believe in people. Especially people that have given their lives over to God. We all want the same thing. God's plan. It's all about Him. I'd like to make sure that we keep our eye on the ball. And something else Patterson said. God made us for the ocean, and He has it out there just waiting for us. But we've settled for the mud puddle. And now too many of us think that the puddle is all there is, and worse, that it is enough. How tragic.

I can hear the waves crashing, can you? The ocean is so close by. Our God offers us His world, a life of adventure and purpose lived out with Him in endless and unfathomable possibilities. I can smell the sea-salt in the air, and I long for it. You might say, "Our mud puddles may be wretched, horrid and miserable places to stay, but at least we know what to expect and we have some degree of control over things." And I guess you might be right. But I'm really tired of the mud. We were made for more than this. I just know it. Lazarus walked out of his grave. Can you imagine? Can you imagine? Help me find the ocean. Will you? Come, help me find the ocean.

Nuf for now. My chest feels much lighter.

Re: family photos

Taking photos of animals in general is always difficult. They never cooperate. You generally have to take lots of pictures to serendipitously get the great ones. This is not a great one, but one of my family shots to add to your offering. Thanks.

See post at dr. wengel's family photos

First Day

Cindy and I met each other on our first day of medical school. On that day we could not know that we were destined to become life partners and soul-mates. But that is what happened. We have since lived our lives together and shared our profession. We learned the science and the art of medicine together and started a practice together. And over the years we have lovingly nurtured, and built, and labored, and struggled to bring about an effective, sustainable, compassionate medical practice unrivaled in quality, service and care. And we have done so as partners, as equals, together. It has been a wonderful journey, and it continues.

Two days ago we reached a new milestone. After fifteen years of practicing alone as a couple we added a new partner. There are now three of us. This is really good. The practice is thriving. We have built a new clinic facility with more space. We are affiliated with a local physician network with access to its resources. We are growing, adding new patients, starting new clinics in neighboring towns. We are in the middle years of our professional lives. Our new partner has just finished her training. As we near our retirement years she will be approaching the age we are now. It is a good overlap. She represents a new generation, a younger practice, fresh approaches, new ways of doing things, just lots of good stuff.

We are very excited. These are the kind of things in life that just don't happen very often and I think they are to be savored somewhat. You know? Just to take a little pause, make note. These are the moments in your life that you will always look back on and remember. Or at least try to remember. On Dr. Alyson's first day I told her I was trying to remember the details of my first day in private practice. I could remember some things well. Like moving into my coat closet cubicle of an office, arranging my very own stapler and paper clip holder, and deciding which side of the desk the phone would go on. But I can't remember anything at all about the first patient I saw. And I really wish I could. Isn't that funny? I remember the paper clips but not the patient. It bugs me.

Maybe she will always remember the first patient she saw? There was nothing special about it, except that it was the first. Everything that she has ever done in her life up to this point has brought her to this moment. This moment in time in this place with this patient. All the years of school, all the long hours, all the sacrifice, all the waiting, everything endured and suffered comes to this. It means everything. It doesn't seem like it though. It comes, it goes. Routine. Forgotten. The first of tens of thousands like it to come. I hope she never forgets. It doesn't seem like it, but it's everything.

Thank you Alyson for choosing to join with us. We count it a privilege to serve our patients with you alongside of us. The future is exciting. Can't wait.

Jubilee and dr. wengel

I started out adding a comment to your post of THURSDAY, AUGUST 31, 2006 @ 7:22 PM when I decided I wanted to post an old picture I had of the two of you together. Your post is so poignant, so articulate, that I fear if I say too much I risk detracting from its impact. I was profoundly moved and I thank you for sharing the depth of your feeling and your keen insight.

You have captured and expressed foundational human experiences relating to love and loss, nurturing and growing that in this life, on this earth, is lived out in the context of generational separation. The both wonderful and tragic at the same time truth that the most important and most meaningful people in our lives are born and die and live at times that are staggered throughout our lives. Our lives overlap with the lives of others. When a new life layers onto ours there is an addition, an effect. And sometimes great joy and great richness occurs. But when that layer ends, it is missed, there is loss, sometimes it is immeasurable.

Your parents are a generation layer ahead of you. You are their child to them. Your future children are a generation layer behind you. They have yet to be born. Yet you eagerly anticipate their coming relationships with you. You understand the powerful impact these future relationships will have in your life. You know how much you have to give, how much is in you to give. When the time is right, you will be ready. And Jubilee, whether she will be present in the flesh or only in your heart, will have played no small part in bringing you to that moment, in making you who you uniquely are. And that I guess is how it works in this life.

New Look

I have been enjoying this new past time, hobby, adventure, whatever it might be called. Blogging. I find myself thinking about what I might write during the day, preoccupied. Today I fiddled around and took a blog template design I liked and customized it. I learned a lot about how they put these things together. It's a whole new different language. I still have a lot to learn. I'm going to have to spread around my blog address so more people know that I'm here. I already have about three people checking me out regular. This has been a lot of fun.

My son and his fiance are home over the week end. It's always great having them around. I'm looking forward to more time Sunday and Monday together.

My Essay

I have been asked by someone in my church to contribute an essay on the subject "the resurrection and the life" that will be compiled into a collection of daily readings, each day relating to a different subject and written by a different person, that will be distributed for use in the coming Advent season. I have never done such a thing before, but my wife Cindy is aware of my recent increased interest in writing and so she volunteered me. I must think of something to volunteer her for in order to return the favor. I include a copy of the result:

"Martha said to Jesus, 'Lord, if you had been here, my brother (Lazarus) would not have died. But even now I know that God will give you whatever you ask.'
Jesus told her, 'Your brother will rise again.'
'Yes,' Martha said, 'when everyone else rises, on resurrection day.'
Jesus told her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die like everyone else, will live again. They are given eternal life for believing in me and will never perish. Do you believe this, Martha?'
'Yes, Lord,' she told him. 'I have always believed you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one who has come into the world from God.'" John 11:21-27 (NLT)

I have been a practicing physician for 26 years, and as you might imagine, my collective experience has afforded me the opportunity to make some observations regarding dying and death. If anything can be said at all, to my mind, one thing seems certain. Death is irreversible, permanent and final. There is no reanimation, no cryogenesis, and no resurrection, no coming back. The corpse always decays. It's over, done, finished, and final, you're gone.

Pretty grim, isn't it? But that's the world we live in; reality sucks. That's the world Martha and Jesus lived in too. And Jesus' friend Lazarus, Martha's brother, was dead and buried, for four days no less. I mean, there was no question about it. Even if someone had made a mistake and there had been some life in him when they put him in the tomb, he was four days without food and water, suffocating in a burial head wrap. No way he was alive. He was toast, and everyone knew it.

Now, Martha must be one of those weird religious fanatical types, right? I mean, she believes that Jesus is the Son of God. That he came into the world from God. That the world is going to come to an end some day and then all the dead people will come back to life. Yeah, OK, pretty strange stuff, kinda out there. But what about what Jesus says?

"Your brother will rise again." Wow, that's really strange. How did he mean it? Like, metaphorically? He must of, because otherwise, come on; he would be certifiable, right? Even the radical Martha sounds like she was trying to soften it some too, by putting it off. What about how he said it? Can you imagine it? Imagine how you would say it if you could actually make it happen and you intended to make it happen? Give it a try. Say it like you would tell a two year old "You will take a nap now." "Your brother will rise again." How does it sound? Can you hear it in your head?

Remember now, he could actually do it, because, he did actually do it. Yeah, really. It was his greatest miracle. It was very public. Everyone saw him do it. An absolutely, undeniably, dead-as-a-doornail man, Lazarus, stepped out of his grave and walked away. It blew everyone away. How did it happen? Jesus commanded it to happen. Jesus wanted it to happen. In the end it happened because Jesus could make it happen. People had to be wondering, "Who is this Jesus? Is there no limit to his power?"

The news of what happened spread everywhere. Jesus received a hero's welcome when he arrived in Jerusalem because of it. The leaders of Israel were afraid that the whole world would follow him and make him their leader because of it. They were terrified of his growing political power. This was his last public miracle before they executed him.

But when word got out that he rose from the dead, and evidence mounted that it was true, people flocked to his cause by the thousands, because they knew about Lazarus. They knew Jesus had power over death and the grave. He could make a dead person come back to life. Everyone saw him do it.

So what's going on here, what's the trick? How does he do it? There's really no mystery. He told Martha, he said it himself. "I am the resurrection and the life." That's it. Pretty straight forward really. It is who he is. Martha must not be so weird or strange after all. He really did come into the world from God. He really must be the Son of God. It isn't about what he does; it's about who he is.

As a practicing physician I have never seen death mean anything except the end of life. Jesus asked Martha a question. "Those who believe in me, even though they die like everyone else, will live again. They are given eternal life for believing in me and will never perish. Do you believe this, Martha?" I would like a chance to answer the same question. "Do you believe this, David?" I answer, "Yes. I believe. I choose life."

I wonder, how do you answer? If you chose life too, then you are choosing him, because he is life. It is who he is. It is what he said, "I am the resurrection and the life." Pretty strange. Pretty amazing. Pretty cool. Reality doesn't suck after all.